Stephanie Davis felt "suicidal" following her split from Jeremy McConnell.
The former ‘Hollyoaks’ actress – who has a three-year restraining order against the model – hit the bottle after her on/off relationship with the ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ star broke down for the final time last year and she has admitted she was feeling so low that she didn’t think she’d see their 13-month-old son Caben reach his first birthday.
Speaking on ‘Lorraine’ on Wednesday (21.02.18), she said: "My self-worth was on the floor. Partners with domestic violence, they chip away at you and you kind of nothing and you feel like you’re nothing without that person.
"I didn’t think I would make his first birthday. I was speaking to Robbie – my life coach – and when we spoke, he said: ‘Where do you see yourself?’ And I said: ‘I don’t see myself getting to Christmas.’ It was really bad and I’ve got a great team around me that helped me but it was sad to think I was feeling that low. I was feeling suicidal."
The 24-year-old beauty was admitted to rehab for her alcohol addiction after she realised she had been turning to the booze to block out the physical, emotional and mental abuse Jeremy was dishing out to her during their relationship.
She explained: "It doesn’t agree with me. I had an alcoholic in my head – a homeless person on the street – I thought I couldn’t be an alcoholic because I’m young, I’ve got it all but I knew something wasn’t going right and I’ve always had a problem with drink.
"But with Jeremy, it escalated very quickly – especially when he did things to me, I would drink to block it out. It was a real bad time. But it was the last time he contacted me in November and it’s called post-split domestic violence and he was provoking a reaction out of me, harassing me, so in the end I contacted him, which I don’t know which girl hasn’t contacted their ex-boyfriend when they’ve been drunk, and he was just saying it was all about his coke addiction. Of course I wanted nothing more than to keep my family together."
However, she now realises that her and Jeremy – who spent time in prison last year for assaulting her – will never work in a "million years" because he needs help.
She explained: "I’m good and happy and you can’t argue with someone like that because, no matter what, he’s right. If he killed me, he’d say it was my fault. It started off as little things like he’d throw a phone charger at my head while I had him in my arms and then it progressed. There was lots of stuff but I don’t feel like I need to stoop to that level … I’ve moved on and I’m happy. He’s obviously not well at the moment. I hope he gets the help he really does need. I’ve never ever stopped him from seeing Caben. He doesn’t pay a penny towards him. It’s Caben I feel bad for because even if he paid 50p a month, I could at least say to Caben: ‘Your dad offered.’ But he doesn’t care and what upset me is that he used him for fame on his first birthday because he’s running out of things to talk about. He’s self-obsessed."
And, although she wants Jeremy to be part of Caben’s life, she’s adamant she won’t let the 28-year-old Irish hunk near him because he’s not in the right frame of mind.
She added: "I don’t there is anything to work out because he’s not bothered with him. I wouldn’t let him near him in the frame of mind he’s in now."
Stephanie and Jeremy met and fell in love in the ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ house back in 2016 but she has admitted, on reflection, she should’ve walked away there and then.
She explained: "It [‘CBB’] was the wrong thing, but obviously I don’t regret it because I’ve got Caben. But I didn’t know who I was. I was so young. I was getting to know myself, I didn’t know what I liked, I wasn’t confident. It was just the wrong thing. But, looking back, if I did it now, it would be different.
"I knew it was wrong but I think it was the environment. With people like that – with narcissistic traits – they give the image they want you to see and so I fell in love with him and I really did, I was head over heels. He was the love of my life and then quickly things started to change and then it was like a downward spiral. I think it was hard because in my head I wanted that person back in the house so I kept staying with him because I wanted that person back in the house but it was kind of like a grieving process. I couldn’t realise that it wasn’t real and let it go."
Now that she’s got her life back on track, Stephanie wants to get back into acting because she thinks she’s a "good actress" and has put her life on hold long enough.
She said: "I really want to get back into my acting. I’ve put my life on hold for so long and I’m a good actress. You never know and I’m so thankful for my journey."
Stephanie Davis felt ‘suicidal’ after Jeremy McConnell split
