Slowthai has opened up on his life with ADHD.
The 25-year-old English rapper – whose real name is Tyron Frampton – was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder several years ago and his struggles with the behavioural condition has left him with a "need to be loved".
He discussed his condition in a lengthy Twitter post, starting off by saying: "I often laugh when I feel anxious, this awkward laughter only shows how uncomfortable I feel. I’ve always been socially awkward and found it hard to articulate to people how I truly feel, often lie. Sometimes it’s harder to stay quiet than force conversation and it makes my skin crawl. I build myself up from pieces of other people and when I look in the mirror I shiver ’cause I feel like I’m wearing someone else’s skin."
The ‘Nothing Great About Britain’ rapper went on to explain how his condition has led him to "never feel happy" being on his own, and a longing to "belong".
Slowthai continued: "I’ve never felt happy being on my own and this has caused me to have a dependency. A need to be loved, maybe I search for all the right things in the wrong places. But am I wrong for wanting to belong.
"Lazy. I live under a rock clinging on to gratification. I trick myself into liking the things I hate and hating the things I love. I’ve never known what’s best for me. And I never felt content with the life I lead."
Before signing off, Slowthai revealed he is plagued by suicidal thoughts most nights but is "too afraid to say goodbye".
He said: "I think about the end every night. But I’m too afraid to say goodbye. ADHD all I want is your undivided attention. The what ifs. I’m selfish and I never cared for sharing. If I was gone would they remember me and would they hurt as I hurt.
"I’m trying to learn to confine [confide] in myself cause I can’t explain why I feel these things. Even though I laugh, I ask what’s funny."
Slowthai’s honest post comes just days after he made his return to performing since his controversial appearance at the NME Awards earlier this month.
The rap star appeared on stage during Mura Masa’s show at Alexandra Palace in London last week to perform ‘Doorman’ and ‘Deal Wiv It’, his two collaborations with the Grammy-winning producer.
Slowthai was criticised for making overtly sexual comments to NME Awards co-host Katherine Ryan when on stage at the ceremony and hugging her.
He then got into a verbal altercation with an audience member who called him a "misogynist" for his behaviour towards Katherine as he collected his fan-voted Hero of the Year Award which resulted in him jumping from the stage to confront the heckler.
Slowthai later took to Twitter to apologise to Katherine for his actions, an apology which she fully accepted.
Slowthai talks about living with ADHD
