Eilish O’Carroll struggled with her "inner homophobia" when she fell in love with a woman.
The ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’ star was married with two sons when she realised she was lesbian and Eilish admitted that coming to terms with her sexuality was extremely difficult for her.
In an interview with Simon Gross for Get Gossy with Grossy, she explained: "I was married with two sons, then at the age of 40 fell I love with a woman.
"I had a Catholic upbringing but I was never religious, in fact I’m now liberal. I was my own worst enemy, I was dealing with my sexuality which was only brought on from meeting this woman who I happened to fall in love with.
"All my demons came back to haunt me telling me I was perverse and not well. My own inner homophobia came back, which I didn’t think existed. It was a very dramatic and emotional journey."
And Eilish – who has been with her partner Marion O’Sullivan since 2003 – admitted she struggled to "belong" when she first came out.
She said: "I was desperate to belong so I joined support groups and dressed how I thought a lesbian would dress – denim jeans, check shirt, boots and a shaved head.
"I even rolled my own cigarettes, the only problem was I couldn’t lose the handbag.
"Then I realised it’s not about how you look, it’s how you feel, who you choose to fall in, love and live your life with, without putting a label on yourself."
Although her marriage ended, Eilish revealed she and her ex are now very close and happily co-grandparent together.
She said: "I never stopped stop loving my husband but I fell in love with someone else and it undermined what my husband and I had. I just couldn’t carry on being with him 100 per cent because my heart was with someone else. We are still great friends and now my kids have grown we are not co -parents but co- grandparents."
Speaking about how she thinks her late mother would have reacted, Eilish – who plays Winnie McGoogan in ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’ – said: "My mother would have been my biggest supporter. She would have sat me down and said it’s hard enough being a women in this world but being a lesbian is harder so just be selective who you tell."
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