Mel B thinks she can be "painfully weak".
The 43-year-old pop star has admitted that in spite of her tough public persona, she can be very different behind closed doors – especially during her marriage to Stephen Belafonte.
Mel – who previously accused her ex-husband of being physically and emotionally abusive towards her – told the Guardian newspaper: "I’m only strong in certain ways. I’ve been painfully weak.
"There was a point when I was like, ‘Yeah, I am a really bad person. I am ugly, I am worth nothing. I am a has-been Spice Girl.’ All these negative things that would be drilled into me on a daily basis by him. You start to believe it."
In fact, Mel admitted that her sense of "panic or shock" even caused her to wake up some mornings in urine, faeces, vomit and blood.
She explained: "Sometimes I would have been in such panic or shock that I’d have been physically sick.
"Part of that cycle is you get blamed: ‘Look what you’ve done to the sheets.’ And you go, ‘Oh my God, I’m so sorry.’ And you clean it up, or throw it away and that’s that."
However, Mel said that her music and TV career – which included a stint on the Australian version of ‘The X Factor’ – allowed her to escape the unhappiness of her marriage.
The pop star – who divorced Stephen in 2017 – shared: "That was when I felt in control – when I was on TV, or in photoshoots, or being interviewed. That’s what kept me somewhat sane.
"But then you go, ‘Well, I’m married and I have to go back to that.’ And you don’t see a way out."
Mel B: I can be painfully weak
