Leah Bracknell says she wants to "feel normal again" after battled lung cancer for over two years.
The former ‘Emmerdale’ actress was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer in 2016 and now the 54-year-old star – who played Zoe Tate on the ITV soap – is determined to get her old life back because she is sick of battling with conflicted emotions.
In her latest blog post – which she titled ‘Take Me Back to Normal’ – Leah wrote: "Living with stage four cancer is not black and white, we cannot always be the noble and exceptional patient nor are we always self-pitying and woe-is-me.
"Life on this path is far more nuanced see-sawing somewhere between the two; there are sunny days and there are days when dark clouds glower ominously and oppressively. To sum up, I am fed up of being fed up. And I’d like a break please.
"Having a moan and a whinge does not come without a sizeable chunk of guilt. I know there are people out there who are enduring much worse circumstances than I. I know that I have a great deal about which to be grateful.
"But that little part of me that is feeling sorry for myself just wants to be seen and heard. She wants to jump up and down shouting, ‘It’s not fair’, ‘I want my life back’, ‘I want to feel normal again’."
The actress also described how she is constantly longing to "wake" from her current cancer "nightmare."
She said: "Sometimes it feels like you are trapped in a cage. If only you could find the door and step out to freedom and life as it was before.
"If only you could wake from the nightmare: dawn breaks and you realise that it was all just a bad dream. And life is wonderfully normal again. Yes, if only."
Leah Bracknell wants to ‘feel normal again’ after cancer diagnosis
