Jessica Cunningham suffered a miscarriage last month.
The former ‘Apprentice’ star has had a devastating year over the past 12 months as her ex-boyfriend Alistair Eccles – the father of her three girls – committed suicide in August, her daughter Poppy broke her arm a few weeks later, and then she and her beau Alex Daw found out they were expecting a baby before tragically losing it just weeks later.
Taking to her blog Motherofmaniacs.co.uk, she said: "So six weeks after Poppy broke her arm, and in the thick of having an utter meltdown with health anxiety, Alex and I found out that we were pregnant (well, that I was pregnant as men can’t have babies). We were so over the moon, we had talked about it for a while, so we couldn’t believe that it had happened so quickly. So after peeing on four ‘Sainsbury’s own’ Pregnancy tests, to peeing on another 2 clear blue pregnancy tests just to make sure that the previous 5 weren’t rubbish, it was confirmed, we were pregnant.
"In the middle of all the sadness, we had been feeling as a family for the past couple of months, the universe (so I believed) had sent us the most precious gift. A baby…
"We started to get excited, choosing names, guessing what we would be having, downloading the ‘baby centre’ app to see what food the baby is the size of and starting to see some form of light at the end of the tunnel…
"A couple of weeks after finding out we were having a baby, I started with brown spotting. I instantly started to panic, then instantly started to GOOGLE THE SHIT OUT OF THE INTERNET. I found out that this could be ‘Implantation or Breakthrough bleeding’, ‘perfectly normal’ or ‘the start of a miscarriage’…
"There was bright red blood. Instantly I freaked out, my heart started to race, panic set in knowing that if this was miscarriage then there is nothing that could be done, except let nature take its course and that there would be no baby.
"The miscarriage lasted three days. We did another test which came up ‘not-pregnant’. Just like that, it was gone.
"That was the most painful part of it, only three days earlier it read pregnant and now it was gone. I felt like my body was broken as well as my mind."
Although the 30-year-old star was devastated by her loss, she only allowed herself to be "sad" for a little while because she needed to be strong for her daughters.
"I let myself feel sad, but not for long, because there were so many more reasons to smile. I smiled for my children, my relationship, our health, the roof over our heads, my family, friends and just being here."
Jessica Cunningham suffers miscarriage
