Hayley Williams has admitted there have been “plenty of times” when she’s “wanted to not be here”.
The Paramore frontwoman has spoken openly about her struggles with her mental health and how songwriting has been like therapy.
Speaking candidly to Amy Poehler on her Good Hang podcast, she said of penning the track Last Hope about Zac Farro and Josh Farro departing the Misery Business group in 2010: “I just remember writing it and being like, ‘This is so sad,’ and unfortunately [that] is how I feel.
“I’ve really struggled with my mental health. I’ve wanted to not be here plenty of times. That song kinda expressed that in the moment for me.”
Whenever Hayley performs Last Hope, she is reminded that she is not alone in her struggles, noting how “everyone in the room has survived so many things. And we’re all here. Half of us will never see each other again. It really does something to those types of songs.”
She went on: “I wrote them in isolation, and now here I am, not only [being] witnessed but bear[ing] witness to all these other experiences that have coalesced.”
The 36-year-old star admits she feels the most “joyous” onstage having a shared experience with fans – but she also finds joy fleeting and hard to trust.
She explained: “Joy is a tough emotion for me because I don’t trust it. I always think the piano is going to fall from the sky.
“I think that’s why Paramore shows, at least for me, feel so joyous. I’m relying on a lot of other things. I’m not thinking so much about my own experience. When we can transcend our own experience, for me joy becomes more tangible.”