Kerry Katona turned to drugs following the breakdown of her marriage to Brian McFadden.
The former Atomic Kitten singer split from the Boyzlife star – who is the father of her oldest daughters, Molly, 18, and 17-year-old Lilly-Sue – in 2004 after two years of marriage ad she’s admitted her dependency on illegal substances can be traced back to her trying to get through her grief and anxiety at the time.
Writing in her latest New! magazine column, she said: "A divorce is a huge loss and you do grieve. The separation anxiety you feel when you lose your partner is hugely painful.
"The end of my first marriage was what started me on drugs – that was how bad it was…
"Just because a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean you snap back into normality. These things take time."
Meanwhile, Kerry – who also has Heidi, 13, and Max, 12, with second spouse Mark Croft, and six-year-old DJ with late third husband George Kay – has been feeling upset this week because Molly has returned to Ireland, where she lives with Brian’s parents while studying in the country.
She said: "I’ve been in bits all week because our Molly has gone back to Ireland after months of staying with us during lockdown. Her dad came to get her so she could spend a couple of days with him and then she headed back so she could resume her routine. That girl is my best friend and we’re completely inseparable, so for me it’s like having my right arm ripped off. "
The 39-year-old star is taking her mind off her sadness by planning a Father’s Day surprise for her partner Ryan Mahoney.
She said: "Luckily, I have the rest of the gang with me and we’ll be celebrating Ryan on Father’s Day. When I go off to work he looks after the kids so he’s a real father figure in their lives. We’re going to shower him with presents."
Kerry Katona would use a surrogate if she had another child.
The 39-year-old star – who has Molly, 18, and Lilly-Sue, 17, with first husband Brian McFadden, Heidi, 13, and Max, 12, with second spouse Mark Croft, and six-year-old DJ with late third husband George Kay – thinks her body has been through too much over the years and she doesn’t want to have to go through another pregnancy if she and her boyfriend Ryan Mahoney decide to have a baby together.
Writing in her New! magazine column, she said: "I’ve had five babies and can barely remember what I was like when I was expecting, but I do recall being very emotional.
"When I was having Molly, I remember sitting with Brian and my mum and bursting into tears when I found a stretch mark. I was only 20 and it was awful.
"Brian was very sweet about it, but those irrational meltdowns were quite normal.
"If I were to have another baby, I’d definitely use a surrogate.
"I don’t want to put my body through it again – the danger, the hormones, the uncertainty.
"It’s always worth it in the end, but pregnancy really can be a pain."
Meanwhile, Kerry has insisted she will be staying away from the upcoming inquest into the death of George, who passed away following an overdose last July.
She said: "Last week a police officer was given a caution for failing to take positive action and seize drugs from George the day before he died.
"The whole thing is very strange but it’s not something I want to get into.
"I’ve been trying so hard to move on since George passed away and I found out about this story when everyone else did, via the papers.
"Even though I’m technically still George’s wife, I’m not his next of kin because we were separated.
"So when it comes to the upcoming inquest into his death, his parents will deal with it.
"My stomach still turns when I see his name in the press. It still affects me. I’d rather have nothing to do with it going forward."