Ellie Goulding became a "robot" during her toughest weeks in the music industry.
The ‘Burn’ hitmaker – who is married to art dealer Caspar Jopling – struggled with her fame in 2016 and 2017 and she doesn’t even "remember" those years.
She said: "I’d just become a robot that was able to walk on stage and perform energetically and wildly. But actually I was just exhausted, and I don’t remember any of it. I wasn’t really able to enjoy anything properly … I needed to at least have a trigger to remember all the places I’ve been to. There was a real temporary-ness to my life. It was all about survival. I didn’t really get to understand who I was at the time."
And the 33-year-old singer admits there was a time where she enjoyed being a "ginormous pop star" but ultimately she knew it wasn’t who she was.
She added to BBC Music: "It was like, ‘Okay, so maybe I’m meant to suddenly become this ginormous pop star that has dancers and glitter and God knows what else on tour,’ and I really enjoyed playing that role for a bit, but I didn’t like wearing those outfits every night and I knew, deep down, it wasn’t me."
Meanwhile, Ellie previously admitted she is incredibly shy and says it is a "common misconception" that she is full of confidence all of the time.
She said: "I think a common misconception with me, and maybe with other performers, too, is that we’re confident and that we’re super ‘out there’. But it is terrifying for me to go into a group of people and I think that’s always been the case. When I look back at even being at school and college I am just a shy person. I don’t have a huge amount of confidence. It is funny seeing myself on stage – when I have to watch myself back – you know, how I sort of take on this confident role as a performer. But as soon as I’m off stage, that’s gone again. I didn’t attend a single afterparty on my tour. And they were every night. I didn’t go to a single one. Too shy."