Danniella Westbrook says her past substance abuse problems made her a bad mum.
The 46-year-old actress has Kai, 23, and Jody, 19, with her former spouse Kevin Jones, and has confessed that spending a large portion of her brood’s lives addicted to cocaine meant she "wasn’t present" as a mother, resulting in her children having "s****" lives.
Speaking to her son Kai on his ‘Firecast’ podcast, she said: "It’s caused you nothing but heartache and pain.
"It’s about consistency, love, nurturing, stability. I haven’t always given you that. All right, I was clean for 14 years. But before that your life was s***.
"I’m not going to beat around the bush. You might have looked like you had everything in the world, but your life was s*** because I wasn’t present."
Danniella said her kids haven given her "tough love" over the years after becoming "exasperated" with her antics, and apologised for bringing "shame" to their upbringing.
She added: "You have given me tough love … there have been times when you’ve not spoken to me for months because you’re that exasperated.
"I know I’ve caused you guys a lot of hassle you didn’t need – a lot of shame, a lot of bullying.
"I don’t know if I would have the love and the patience if it was one of my family members."
The ‘EastEnders’ star has since ditched drink and drugs, and said she "shut the door" on that part of her life.
She explained: "I just shut that other door like it never happened. I just expect everybody to catch up to where I am.
"I can’t expect that just because I’ve got clean that all of a sudden everyone’s going to forget the pain I’ve caused.
"I’ve got to realise that it might take other people a bit longer to come around because I have hurt people."
Now, Danniella is dedicated to making sure she’s a good mum, and always consults her kids on big life decisions.
She said: "I don’t make a decision today in my life – whether that’s financially, where I’m living, what I’m doing – without consulting you and Jodie."