AJ McLean has relapsed in his battle against addiction this year.
The Backstreet Boys singer – who entered rehab in 2001, 2002 and 2011 for depression and alcohol abuse – admitted he finds it a daily "struggle" to stay sober and part of his problems is feeling conflicted about trying to put his own needs ahead of those of his and wife Rochelle’s two daughters, Ava, six, and 20-month-old Lyric.
He told People magazine: "You know, it’s interesting about sobriety with family and with kids — you still have to put yourself first, and that’s been a real big struggle for me.
"Look, I have no shame in saying, I’ve relapsed over the past year. It’s no secret that this is a disease, and that it’s a daily struggle.
"Are my kids and my wife a huge support, and a huge inspiration? Yes, a hundred percent. But, at the same time the biggest problem I deal with, with them, is putting myself first, and not my family first. Because in my mind, that’s what you should do, you should put family first. You should put your kids first.
"But because I’m still very codependent, I’m Mr. People Pleaser — and I think a lot of that comes from being a performer, and wanting to see the crowd happy, and seeing everybody around you, and loving the attention — I want to make sure everyone’s cool."
And he admitted his approach to life has caused him problems.
He added: "If you do that too often, then you forget about taking care of yourself, and you do tend to get lost in the sauce. And that’s happened to me numerous times."
Over the years, A.J. has grown to accept he needs to work at sobriety "daily" and the 40-year-old musician has developed ways of getting through the "worst" times.
He explained: "One of the best things I was told, from my sponsor, from my friends, is the only way around is through.
"And sometimes, you’re just going to have the worst days possible. But if you surround yourself with a good support group, if you go to meetings, if you talk to other addicts … you have to make it a lifestyle, you truly do.
"It doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun, and can’t be yourself. But if you want to stay alive, there is no true … For me, you don’t beat it. It’s not like, OK, I’m sober, it’s done. I’ll never drink again. No. You have to work at it daily. Or I will creep up. And it’s a mother, and it will win if you don’t take care of yourself."
AJ McLean confesses relapse
