Jaime King thought she was "broken" when she was diagnosed with two reproductive illnesses.
The 38-year-old model and actress feared she wasn’t a real woman when the painful illnesses made it difficult for her to have children.
She said: "A big shift in me happened when I was diagnosed with endometriosis and poly-cystic ovary syndrome, which are very painful reproductive illnesses. I also had countless miscarriages and almost lost my children.
"I thought that because my womb didn’t work the way I was taught it should work, I was broken. We are told as women that our great value is to be able to carry life, to carry a child. If we’re fertile and abundant, we’re a worthy goddess. But for some reason, those parts don’t function for some of us.
"When I was told I couldn’t carry a child, it crushed me in a way that was so much deeper than I could explain. I felt ashamed that I was suffering every day. I would wake up in pools of blood, and feel ashamed. And then I said, f**k this. I’m not going to be ashamed."
And Jaime – who shares Leo, two, and James, three, with her husband Kyle Newman – has confessed she is constantly judging herself as a mother.
She added to the new issue of Galore magazine: "I had severe postpartum depression. I isolated myself. I was anxious all the time, I felt like I was unlovable. I couldn’t even think straight. I had to live through an entire pregnancy where I didn’t know if my child was going to live or die. I couldn’t even process the trauma because I was too busy trying to keep him and myself alive.
"The judgment of yourself as a mother is consistent. So I’m really trying to find my identity of who I am as a mom. I’m trying to realize it’s okay to go to lunch for an hour with a girlfriend. If we’re not nurturing our souls and the things we love, it’s easy to get lost and lonely.
"Vulnerability is our greatest strength. When you’re able to really speak and share from the heart, that’s when you truly connect with other people, which heals everything. None of this outside stuff matters if we’re with the people we love."
Jaime King felt broken
